Anxiety.....Security......

I've discovered that men and women are different and react differently to money matters.

Traditionally, women need security (sometimes even a false sense of security) to thrive. Why is that? Security could mean different things for different people. In general, I think that security comes with a sense of "normalcy" or steadiness. The idea of counting on something as a constant, non changing thing. A steady paycheck, a steady schedule, a steady partner.

For me, steady income is security. It's not even the amount, whether it's $500 or $10,000 a month, somehow knowing that I can expect a certain amount come rain or shine gives me that sense of security, ability to count on something and plan around it. Even though I have been through enough lay-off's to know nothing is steady or forever.

In general I am pretty easy going, I have a good head on my shoulders, I know what is what....I know what our monthly expenses are I know what our income streams look like, and I have the discipline to stick to a plan or budget. I know that I have rainy day fund that will keep me afloat not only for the next 12 months but probably the next 18 months at my current lifestyle...SO WHY AM I SO FREAKING ANXIOUS ABOUT IT?

Anxiety is slowly creeping up on me. Maybe not slowly creeping up but is part of my internal being. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I am searching for a new position, but am debating staying self-employed.

I can tell that my anxiety is escalating because I am noticing that it is harder for me to fall asleep (I can't seem to turn my brain off, It just keeps running through "what if" scenarios), I get annoyed more easily, I tend to get the munchies or feel like reaching for a glass of wine or beer......so why do I go through all of these changes while my spouse continues his merry way.....why can't my logical intellect take over?

Here's a little research.....but my personal opinion is that women like to feel secure, they, whether it is genetically predisposed or socially imposed, feel responsible for the well being of the household, whether your house is an adult only home (like mine) or you have young children, somehow as a woman we make it our responsibility to be in charge and make sure everyone in the house is ok. In general also whether genetically predisposed or socially imposed men seem to be ok with changes and ups and downs, as long as they have a spouse/partner...I think they know that we as women will worry and make sure everything is ok.

Instead of fighting this, I think we can use the anxiety to push us further in our quest for success and our quest for security. If you are self employed like me, it is a driving force in getting new prospects and adding to the income stream. If I can focus my anxiety and convert it into energy and as incentive to grow and gain that security great; but it doesn't always work that way, we'll let the anxiety get the better of us. We have to keep it in check and keep in mind that no matter what there is always tomorrow. As long as you are prepared (and I mean prepared: Rainy day fund, budget, discipline) you should be ok.

How do I deal with it:
*Well, sometimes I do reach for the glass of wine - I have to make sure that this doesn't become a "go-to" solution for many reasons: I don't want to lose control of what I'm doing; Drinking is EXPENSIVE; Alcohol is not but empty calories and when you are looking for a job or are networking your appearance DOES count {don't get me wrong, I am not thin, I rather pleasantly plump. but still you don't want to be puffy and hungover when you talk to people}
*I work out, seriously, I may not lose weight or be in super shape, but getting through a tough workout, heavy lifting or spin class, usually let's lose some of the extra energy and it also pumps me up, if I can just get through the next 5 minutes of spin, I can get through anything (is my mantra during class...ha!)
*Now don't laugh, but guided meditation works....I plug in my ear-buds, close my eyes and listen, it helps when someone is guiding me through breathing and relaxing, it helps me not focus on all of the "what-if" craziness....

Bue most of all, I go through and remind myself that it's all going to be ok, that I am prepared for all of my crazy what-if scenarios, including the what-if the sky falls.....the best thing to counter anxiety is preparation and knowledge.

I'll keep you guys updated on my anxiety levels, but so far, my tactics are working, and my husband is unaware, so life as usual.